Beumadine is pissed
off today. She wanted to fly down to Tennesee to see her kin. At the
airport they found silver in her hair, gold in her teeth and some
lead in her ass and made her strip naked in a screening room. Now,
she loved that but ... she is pissed that no one hit on her for some
pussy.
Did you know that
hickies are Tennessee trailer park bar codes. LOL
I saw one the other day that
had 1 toothmark and RedMan tobacco stains on it.
NOTE TO LARRY THE CABLE GUY:
Don't you dare steal
this one. LOL
Did you know that
hickies are trailer park barcodes??? LOL
I saw one the other
day that had 1 toothmark and chewing tobacco stains on it. Now that's
funny as Larry the Cable Guy would say.
April 25, 2011 update
Sorry for lack of
updates here. I am heavily involved in the Rare Coin market and
Bullion markets. See JERRY'S
COIN SHOP
Silver has been
skyrocketing and I have been on the road traveling to pick up loads
of silver for customers. Sold over 500 ounces last week and it has
kept me busy. Got more to go pick up later today. Hope you
understand. Will try to update more often in the future. If you are a
coin collector or investor we have many nice coins on our website
above.
Crazy Ernie bought Beumadine 2
toothbrushes for Easter. Beaumadine said: "Why 2 toothbrushes?" Ernie
said: "One for each tooth."
March 23, 2011 update
Woke up this morning
to another 4-5 inches of fucking snow again. Worst damn winter in
Saginaw in over a decade. Me and Beumadine absolutely hate this
crappy weather. Gonna try to hit the $300+ million Lotto jackpot and
buy the state of Arizona, Alabama and/or Texas and move the whole
damn family down where it is warm. Weather here makes us wanna puke
... period.
What made matters
worse I decided to watch a porn movie. Popped a tape in the old VCR
and found out the movie starred Beaumadine. Come on now, things do
have to get better don't they ... LOL.
Famous things I wished
I never said:
* What does this
button do?
* It's probably just a
rash.
* Are you sure the
power is off?
* Yeah, I made the
deciding vote on the jury, we settled for Budweiser?
* The odds of that
happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and
count to what?
* Which wire was I
supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the
mother bear is.
* I know I can do it
... I've seen this done on TV.
* These are the good
kind of mushrooms.
* I'll hold it tight
between my legs and you light the fuse.
* The pickup truck is
light ... so let it down slowly.
* Rat poison only
kills rats.
* This bridge is
strong enough for both of us.
* This doesn't taste
right.
* I can make this
light before it changes.
* Nice doggie.
* I can do that with
my eyes closed.
* I've done this
before.
* Well, we've made it
this far.
* That's odd.
* You wouldn't hit a
guy with glasses on, would you?
Sorry for the lapse in
posts since mid-February. Had some medical problems that really kept
me
away from the computer where I could make some
nonsense.
>[:-)
That's me with my UFO cap
with the antennas up looking for signals.
Here is a picture of
my DREAM car
What a Super Sweet
mean mean rattlin' machine
CRAZY ERNIE
sez: Beumadine came home
early last night and caught me in bed with a totally NAKED Midget
girl. She was really pissed off and screamed: 'I thought you said you
were going to stop cheating on me Ernie?' I said: 'Calm down sweetie,
I'm trying ... can't you see that I am cutting down quite a bit. She
barely weighs 65 pounds.'
Feel sorry for the
Earthquake victims in Japan.
My prayers go out to them today.
But,
here is our BREAKING
NEWS from Emery Gap
on our earthquake.
BREAKING EARTHQUAKE NEWS from
CRAZY ERNIE & BEAUMADINE reporting:
A major earthquake of
15.7638529 magnitude on the Richter Scale hit Emery Gap in the early
hours of yesterday with the epicenter just 3.6' from Crazy Ernie and
Beaumadines house trailer in our park of 435.5 trailers. The .5
trailer is owned by a small family of mother, father, son, daughter
and 9 chillun not mating yet.
The earthquake decimated the
area causing approximately $30 worth of damage to our trailer ...
almost a total loss.
Several priceless NASCAR caps
were damaged along with our empty beer can collection of 691
cans.
We lost over 5 decades of used
cars and pickup trucks in our front yard. Even 3 tractors, a used
golf cart and 5 refridgerators were a total loss.
Many locals were woken up well
before they could get to their mailbox for their welfare checks
arrived. Tracy Smith, a 15 year old mother of 5 living next to us was
in such shock when her smallest daughter, Chardonnay Mercedes, came
running into her bedroom crying that her bed fell off the milk pails.
Her youngest 2 kids came screaming and interupted her concentration
on Jerry Springer.
Drinking, looting, muggings,
car crimes and incest carried on as normal during this
disaster.
The Red Cross so far has
managed to get 4,000 crates of Pork & Beans and 70,000 bottles of
fresh Boone's Farm Wine to the area to help the stricken
families.
Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found huge quantities of
personal belongings. Over 500 food stamp books, 1200 pairs of used
tennis shoes, jewelry from Priceline and valuable bone china from
Walmart, ladies panties from Costco, 822 partial cans of Copenhagen
chew, 1 used rubber, 850 sets of false teeth (some from children) and
much more valuable modern garbage items.
NOW, HOW YOU CAN
HELP
This appeal is to raise money
for food and clothing that the unfortunate lost in this disaster.
Clothing most sought after and most needed include: baseball caps,
flannelette shirts, thongs, tracksuits, Bull Durham rollin' tobacco,
shotguns, huntin' dogs, beer, anything with NASCAR printed on it,
live breeding chickens and hogs, coupons from KFC, Bacardi Breezers,
chips, Oreo cookies, bib overalls, ladies panties with a heart on,
pickup truck mufflers, plastic eatin' ware, re-usable paper plates
and more. Really needed bad is a herd of healthy coon
dogs.
If you would prefer to donate
money, 25c buys a used dresser for filling in; $5.00 buys chips,
battered Catfish, crisps and fizzy drinks for a family of 9; $10 will
pay for a 5 pack of cigars and a lighter to calm the nerves of those
affected; $50 will buy a total NEW used trailer for a family of
18.
Please do not send tents for
shelter, as the sight of posh housing would not look fair on the
population of the neighboring areas.
NOTE: The quake was caused by
a 52 mile weak trench being dug from a nearby Metropolis to our Emery
Gap trailer park so we could have lecticity and not have to depend on
our hound dog running a treadmill generator for power.
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